Saturday, May 22, 2010

Retirement - #StoryCraft

#StoryCraft is a twitter chat with discussions focused on the craft of writing. This week's challenge is to write a piece of 200 words using exposition (telling) sparingly but well.

Here's my attempt. Let's see if I've met the challenge. ;)

Note: Warning for bad wording. The characters are what they are, just saying. ;P

“So, are you in?”
“You know darn well I’m retired.”
“C’mon Cloud, we’re about to score big time, but we need you in this one!” You fucking moron.
Claudius McNair was the cool headed sort that wouldn’t flinch before a gun pointed to his head. He looked up to his hot tempered friend and said, “I’ve paid the price for this kind of greed,” he paused, looking straight at Mike’s eyes, “and I don’t intend to come back there.”
Mike frowned and Cloud continued, “Just leave me be a fat old guy who likes to shoot some deer once in a while.”
You used to like your killings back then, you son of--
“It’s no good,” said Cloud, interrupting Mike’s thoughts, “don’t waste your time trying to convince me.”
“Nah, I was just thinking of who could fit your suit.”
“There’s a new guy in town, haven’t you heard?”
“Why didn’t you fucking say so? I’ve lost a whole afternoon talking to an old fag who knows fucking well how tight our schedules are!”
“You never asked.” Cloud grinned.
* * *
Note: I found the gorgeous sunrise picture here.


  1. This is great Mariana! The characters are vivid. And I love the photo :)

  2. Jemi: Thank you dear! I'm having much fun with these writing exercises, heh. ;)

  3. This reminded me a lot of some of teh scenes in Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven (whcih is most definitely a good thing)

  4. --Dan: Ohh, I'm blushing hard at the Clint Eastwood reference. Thank you!

  5. I agree with Jemi about your characters being quite vivid. Dialogue is perfect - lets us know what is and what has been.

    Very good, Mari-girl!

  6. --Marisa: Thanks Mari-girl!

    The muse shook me off the bed to write this one. I'm not sure it'll meet the challenge though. Confusing! heh

  7. Great use of conversation. It's hard to squeeze a story into 200 words. Thanks for sharing. :)

  8. I love it. You never asked. That is so perfect!

  9. --Danielle and Susan: Thanks! I'm glad you liked my little experiment. :)

  10. Who needs description when dialogue can say so much? Good job, Mari! I personally don't swear very much, but it seems like my characters do. It's who they are and what they do and it would be wrong of me to censor that, glad you feel the same way. ;-)

  11. Unlike my good pal Jodi, I do swear, but not often on my blog:) Ha!
    I liked the dialogue in this - it had a 'let loose' feel to it, not just in the cussing, but also in the way your characters referred to things. I found it very natural.

  12. It’s amazing how you can make those characters really come alive with only 200 words Mariana! Loved it :)

  13. --Jodi: I was (kindly) told that my description sucks, so I'm trying to focus on dialogue, heh. :P

    I don't swear much either, in fact, neither my characters, but these ones... They would sound too much like a cheap version of James Bond without the swearing, lol.

    Erin: Thank you! Someone once said that I write on msn exactly how I speak. Back then I found it a bit weird (lawyering times, yuk), but now I think I'll take it as a compliment, heh.

    I can't say I never throw a bad word here and there, but I do avoid it, especially here at Randomities, hence the warning. ;)

    Lua: Thank you! I don't think I met the exposition challenge, but it sure was a challenge to write something consistent with only 200 words. Cool that you felt them real.

  14. You really nailed the dialogue. It reminded me a bit of the Sopranos. It sounded very natural, and that is difficult to do.

  15. --Laurita: Thank you! I guess I should turn my attention to descriptions now, since so many people agreed that the dialogue part is sort of checked. heh

    The Sopranos? Nice!


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