Wednesday, August 25, 2010

B-day Giveaway!

Soo, the 27th is going to be my birthday. Yay! 

You see, since I'm a very nice girl, almost as nice as my trolls, I'm giving you a present. And, you can choose whatever you want! 

Well, within certain boundaries, of course. :P

The idea started out because I was lucky enough to win Jamie DeBree's contest, thanks to another lucky call from Johanna Harness' #amwriting buttons. Jamie is a very generous author who gave me not only the eletronic and paper copy of her book, Tempest, but also an Amazon gift card of $20. Wow! 

So, you can choose any book you want, whichever genre or author suits your humor, and I'll send it to you as long as it doesn't cost more than those 20 bucks. 

All you have to do is leave a comment. But hey, not any comment will do. Since I'm getting inevitably older, I need to have some laughs. Haha, getting old is not fun. So the trick is, I'll give a b-day present to the person who posts the most creative comment that contains the fundamental element of humor until midnight GMT+1 of August 27th, 2010. (Italy time)

A b-day without a party is lame, so I'm offering you some Italian goodies in the attempt to bribe you to stick around for a while longer, heh. 

Over there at the buffet you can find prosecco, white and red wine, several types of bruschettas, prosciutto with melon, and of course water and non alcoholic beverages at will. To sweeten your mouth there are many flavors of gelatto, like the famous amarena, dark chocolate, mint-choc, lemon, strawberry and one of my favorites, yogurt with wild berries. 

Yumm, grab your spoon and dig in! 

Don't be shy. If this is your first visit, hang around and meet the fantastic people that frequent Randomities. You might make some new friends. ;)

To my regular visitors, a HUGE thank you! Meeting you guys is the best birthday present I could ever ask for.

Now, almost everyone knows by now that I'm a dog person. So I'm counter balancing the cat picture up there with this one. Happy my-birthday to you! :D

Note: The following links lead to where I've found each image: cake, girl, cat, gelatto, spoons, doggie


  1. Happy Birthday, Mari! Hope you have an awesome day! Trouble is, I have nothing funny in me this morning. Oh, wait a minute, I do have a joke. Ready?
    Did you hear about Willie Nelson getting hit by a car?
    Yup, he was playing On the Road Again.

    Best I could do before 7 a.m.
    Happy, happy birthday!

  2. --Cathy: Thanks so much for the super early try! You did make me smile. :)

    But hey, you didn't choose your present.

    That's ok, you may leave as many comments you like, asking for presents in each one of them, of course, when you feel funny enough. ;)

  3. Oh, right! Since it's still early in the morning for many of you, may I offer an Italian expresso, or maybe a caffè macchiato? These would go with the typical Italian brioche with apricot marmalade or chocolate. ;)

  4. Ah, Mari-girl! It IS fun getting older. Why, think of wine of perfect, but balanced proportions, with good acid and pH, light oak and ample fruit, that ages well. Lots of fun can happen after drinking plenty of that!

    Thank you so much for all the goodies. Yum. That yogurt with wild berries gelato is delizioso!

    Buon Compleanno a te,
    Buon Compleanno a te,
    Buon Compleanno cara Mari-girl,
    Buon Compleanno a te!

  5. Happy birthday, Mari-girl! You're not getting're just adding numbers.
    Don't sell your parties short. Yes, Ann does give wild parties, but you gave an over-the-top zombie party that kicked ass!
    Jezebel sends you smooches...

  6. --Marisa: *clinks glass*

    Thanks dear, I didn't know you were becoming a wine expert like Cecilia. Cool! Glad you like what's being offered. :)

    As for the gelatto, if you liked the wild berries, try on the amarena too. It's a typical fruit from the Veneto, similar to the cherry. The ice cream is fantastic!

    --Laura: Thanks for the support dear, and please tell Jezebel I send my best. She's more than welcome to the party too. (as long as she doesn't eat the guests, that is, heh)

  7. Can she lie in wait amongst the fruit, ready to scare a guest?

  8. --Laura: Hmm... Yeah, scare is ok. ;D

  9. Happy birthday, Mari. Don't try to egg Cathy on, because the yolk will be on you!

    Hey, did you hear about the chicken who had a birthday? Her owner gave her a cluck radio! You'd think it would be a feather in her cap, but she was kind of offended because it seemed like a cheep present.

    Her owner eats all the eggs she lays; it's the only thing that's kept the chicken from being turned into a fried chicken dinner. Yep, her owner is a firm believer in "don't bite the hen that feeds you".

  10. --Tony: I'm not sure what you mean by egging Cathy on, but whatever I did/said I never meant to offend anyone, I swear! ;p

    Thanks for the chicken joke, you gave me a good chuckle even with me being vegetarian. heh

  11. How fun - what a great use for your certificate! :-)

    I'll wish you a happy birthday early...but no need to enter me in the contest. Enjoy the celebration!

  12. Egging on means encouraging her. :)

  13. --Jamie: If you'd like to enter I'd love to have you though. :)

    Thanks for the comment and for the gift. I can't wait to get your book on the mail!

    --Laura: Thanks! I got the feeling that it meant something like it, but I didn't want to take any chances you know? heh

  14. (sung to the volga boatman tune as dolefully as possible)
    Happy Birthday.
    Happy Birthday.
    May the candles on your cake,
    Burn like cities in your wake.
    Happy Birthday.

    Tie one on, Italian style! I brought cannoli!

  15. Former-Witch FriendAugust 25, 2010 at 6:01 PM

    Let me try to wish you a happy birthday AND make it funny in the same go... Can I choose my present later?

    (has to be read imagining me declaiming it to you in a pompous voice from under the balcony of your room - surely you have one - a balcony, that is - after all, you live in Italy! by the way, feel free to add some weeping violins - or maybe some Mento music - in the background of this imaginary scene)

    "Dear Nana, light of my life, reason of my living, apple of my eye!

    In this most wonderful and auspicious day of your much anticipated Appearance in this bleak world, I, as all the other (intelligent enough) beings of this somewhat battered planet rejoice, for the day of the birth of such a brilliant writer, dog lover and generally lovely person brings with it the renewed hope that there will still be Light, and Love, and Coolness all around while one Mari Juniper is about. May your life be Long, and Fair, and Happy, so that you feel encouraged to keep making our (I mean, the intelligent enough beings of this somewhat battered planet's) live Bright, and Beautiful, and Meaningful, and all sorts of Good Things that lives can be when touched by someone so fantastic as you!

    May the rest of the world (the less intelligent beings, I mean) soon realize this momentous occurrence (preferably before the 27th), so that we can (at last!) institute the Mari Juniper Appearance Day worldwide, so as to make up for that many years lost in Not Observing this magical occasion..."

  16. Happiest of birthdays to you! My attention span is pretty short of late, but I'll do my best to think long and hard about a really awesome joke to OH LOOK A KITTEN.

  17. Mari, I'm so happy I got to meet you through the Twitter. You're the bee's knees. :D

    Kratan and Kutril got in touch with my dragon buddy Aurmid. They wanted to plan a little something to celebrate for you. Here's the conversation:

    Kratan: Our maker has birthday coming. We must get present.
    Kutril: But she is human, like Aimee. What to get? Humans don't like normal things.
    Aurmid: It is the thought that matters. You must choose something from your hearts, and she will love it.
    Kutril and Kratan scratch their heads, doubtful.
    Kutril: That not work with Aimee. We gave her finest goat, and it scare her.
    Kratan: She like horrible pie, though.
    Aurmid: Your maker is a creator, and she made you. She knows what is in you. Trust the magic that comes from her... A goat, you say?
    Aurmid licks lips, snorts a puff of smoke.
    Kutril and Kratan: Yes, the finest! Very tasty!
    Aurmid: Humans require their meat to be cooked before they will eat it. They do not understand our thrill of hunting. You must roast the goat until it has a fine aroma, like the pie you brought Aimee.
    Kutril: Cook?
    Aurmid: Heated with fire until tender and delectable. I can help you with that.
    Kratan: Really?
    Aurmid: Indeed. I have heard that humans enjoy getting flowers for important occasions as well.
    Kutril: Not the horrible flowers!
    Kratan: We not insult her so! No nasty flowers!
    Aurmid sighs and grunts.
    Aurmid: Then bring me a goat, and I will roast it for you.
    Kratan: She will like?
    Kutril: You sure?
    Aurmid: She will like the effort you have put forth to please her.
    Kratan and Kutril bring the goat, and Aurmid roasts it. The smell fills the forest.

    ...I hear Prosecco buries--goes well with, I mean-- the flavor of goat. Happy birthday, Mari!

  18. Happy Birthday Mari! The goodies are delicious - I especially love the gelatto :)

  19. --Monica: Burn like cities? hahha! Nice!

    Yumm, cannoli is good! If stuffed with ricotta and nuts even better! Goes well with both white and red wine.

    (I'm hungry now, not fair. lol)

    --Former-Witch: "Mari Juniper Appearance Day"? bwahahah! Your kinky declamation not only made me laugh (preposterous the idea of an appearance day for me ;p) but also brought tears to my eyes. I love you too dearest. <3

    --Valerie: Gee, I hoped you'd get to the dog, heh. Thanks for stopping by and give me a good chuckle. :)

    --Gracie: Mari responds to the gang:

    "Aww, thanks so much guys! I'm sure Aimee would love this lovely roasted goat. It does smell great but, err... I'm vegetarian?

    *pierces Kratan's and Kutril's ears* "I appreciate your effort but you guys should know better."

    *winks to Aurmid*

    Hahaha! Fantastic Gracie, I loved this encounter! Maybe we could write a story with it? I'm ROFLing at the troll's expression when facing a full grown dragon. hahahhha! ;D

    --Jemi: Thanks dear! Gelatto is grreat, isn't it? ;)

  20. Happy Happy Birthday!

    I wanted to leave you a photo of bubble wrap but Blogger won't let me. It's not exactly humourous, but you can't NOT smile when faced with bubble wrap, all ready to be popped!

  21. Happy birthday, Mari! And just for you...AHEM...

    Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately. Yuk yuk yuk. Literally.

    And if I win, I want Laura Eno's new book, since Jon's Random Number Fairy didn't call my numbers at the BoFF launch. I swear, a dyslexic at a Blackjack table in Vegas has better luck than I do!

    Anyway, it's all good to whoever is the lucky winner...but we're really all winners, since we know you. I do mean that, and Happy Birthday, again!

    I believe I'll have some wine now...

  22. Hey Mari!

    I'm not sure how to make you laugh (my humor is generally of the random or sarcastic kind. Want me to randomly throw some dripping sarcasm your way?) but I want to wish you a very happy birthday none the less.

    You are one of the few people who I feel I can call a friend in the Friday Flash community (not that everyone else isn't friendly; we've just twitter chatted more) and I greatly appreciate that. Seriously, it takes guts for someone to accept a zombie-dragon story challenge from a complete stranger, so kudos to you!

    *stares intently into the gelatto case* They all look so good, I'm going to have a hard time choosing just one! Can I get a bit of the amarena and the yogurt w/ berries? Pretty Please? I promise I won't threaten to toss sarcasm around anymore.

    Again, have a great birthday!

    (and p.s., I'd like a copy of the friday flash compilation if this unfunny comment somehow wins. You are too generous turning your good fortune into a gift for someone else, you know that right?)

  23. Happy birthday! The twenties are nice, but I think the thirties bring a little more...peace. Or at least I've heard they do, and I'm hopeful--I'm 30!

    I would like the book Mini Shopaholic, because I love to read silly nonsense at night when I fall into bed exhausted. I edit serious books all day and take care of small people, and I enjoy NOT particularly using my brain after all of that! :)

  24. --Icy: Thanks for the intention dear. If you like, I'd love to see your bubble wrap on twitter or fb. :)

    --Maria: *chuckles and clinks glass*

    Loved your zombie joke, especially because you mentioned fingers and not brains, heh.

    --Lena: I like sarcasm so it's ok. ;)

    You're a good #fridayflash to me too! Since you said such lovely things you're off the hook for not being funny, ok? ;)

    And yes dear, try every flavor of gellato you like. You won't regret it!

    --Laura: Welcome to Randomities! I agree with you, the thirties are better than the twenties-- in most aspects, heh.

    Good choice of book! Now where's the fun stuff? ;P

    --DeBerry and Grant: Thank you for the well wishes and the visit! Cin, cin!

  25. Would you like a my little carnivorous pony for your birthday, dear? I know where to find one. Happy birthday, Mari. <3

  26. --Jodi: That's very generous of you dear, but, err... I'd rather make your pony happy and introduce her to some people she could befriend. Take Jezebel for instance...


    *puts hands on accelerated heart preventing it to jump off chest*

    Laura, Jezebel was supposed to scare the guests not the birthday girl!

    *ahem* As I was saying, I think they'd get along just fine. ;)

  27. Wow a birthday bunch of fun, super stuff :o)

    Thank you for all your support on my writing progress, not to mention the fun times with imaginary Prosecco!

    I'm not much for the funny, my humour tends to be super dry and borderline twisted although taking my cue from the excellent Former Witch-Friend I shall try a meeting between zombies and the main character of my serial - Blood and Stars:


    I saw him lumber toward me, a dark shape in the morning mist, playtime came to me today.

    He seemed unafraid, not unusual in my world, I was told more than once as a child that I could charm monkeys from trees. He stopped inches away from me, his foetid breath warm on my face.

    Quick as a dart I wrapped duct tape over his mouth, expecting him to reel back and claw at the tape.

    His kick to my groin was something of a surprise, I fell on to the hard sand, curled foetal. A sharp cracking pain in my throat made me open my eyes, salt water streaming. His boot was crushing my windpipe, dull eyes looked down. He ripped off the tape exposing the front of his jaw, he did not seem phased by the removal of flesh, so wonderful. Black, black, black.

    The zombie sat on the shore, watching the waves crash with unseeing eyes, licking the vestiges of brain off bony fingers.

    Every nightmare needs a hero.


    Hmm, funny, unlikely but I hope diverting.

    If you need me, I'll be in a corner stuffing myself with bruscetta...Should I win this very generous conmpetition I'd like a copy of The Collector by John Fowles please :o)

  28. --Lexx: Ohhh, that's an encounter! I love seeing your character describing being attacked by a zombie. What a point of view. Whew!

    Thanks dear, for writing this.

    *puffs chest with pride, coughs on bruschetta, gulps down half glass of wine*


    I think I'll go for the nonalcoholic beverages... *innocent look*

  29. Nox peeked around the corner of Mari-girl’s blog. “Shhh… we want this to be a surprise!”

    Grimm nodded, careful not to shake up the bag of donuts he held in his teeth. “I haven’t been to a birthday party in centuries," he said, his voice rumbling in the back of her mind. "What do I do?”

    “I’d worry more about what not to do,” Nox said, wagging an admonishing finger at the hound. “Do not eat her donuts.”

    “I promise I won’t eat her gift.”

    “No drooling on them either.”

    Grimm gave her an indignant look. “I would never!”

    “And no licking the outside of the bag.”

    The hound looked a little guilty. “Not even if there was frosting on the outside? You wouldn’t want to leave a smear on her blog, right? After all the nice things she said on ours?”

    She sighed. “Well, at least the bag is wax coated.”

    “Tell her it’s got doggie kisses from me on it.”

    Nox looked thoughtful. “Do you think she’ll buy that?”

    “It worked for your last gift. From Loki. Not from me. Because I would never lick the box with your cake…”

    Happy Birthday Mari!

    -Angie, Nox and Grimm
    (btw, we’d love to have Children of the Serpent Gate by Sarah Ash : )

  30. Happiest of Birthdays, Mari-girl! Love your new website/blog home!

    I searched high and low for the best writing joke. This is the best I could come up with.

    Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

    Keep smiling! Cheers!

  31. Happy birthday. A wraith, a ghost, and a specter walk into a bar. The ghost asks for mead and the specter demands ale. The wraith glares at the pair and says, "Just like the last year's bash, nobody can see us! Take what you want."

  32. --techtigger: Ohhh! I mean, ohhhh! Nox and Grim visiting Randomities *and* bringing me donuts? You made my day Angie!

    Gee, how the heck am I going to choose a winner now? This is becoming a harder and harder thing to do... O.o

    --David: Huhuhu, you just didn't tell me what *you* want. ;p

  33. Happy Birthday Mari, and just in case you were wondering where all the gelatto had gone...

    Botchett stuck his head through the portal and looked around before calling back to Swazzle.

    'I see what mean, bonny lad. Nee way is this the Magical Realm, though there's a couple of Trolls over in the corner, like, and summat with tentacles hiding in the fruitbowl...Oh look, ice cream.'

    Swazzle pushed past him. 'Ice cream? Where?'

    Keeping low beneath the table, Botchett and Swazzle crept along to where the gelatto was arranged in large dishes. Swazzle peeped out from under the table, then quickly reached up and poked his finger into one of the dishes.

    'Hey, that's champion that is,' he sucked his finger. 'Here, try a bit.'

    Botchett gave him a withering look. 'If you think I'm licking ice cream off your finger, you are very much mistaken, like. I know where that finger has been, bonny lad.'

    Swazzle shrugged and shoved the finger back in his mouth. 'Hmmm, tastes like...'

    Botchett recoiled horror-stricken.

    'Whassamatter?' mumbled Swazzle, still diligently sucking his finger.

    'By the gods, I nearly had an accident there,' Botchett panted, 'My aim must have been a bit off, like. I went for the ice cream but got Jezebel's tentacle instead.'

    Swazzle sniggered, 'And you were worried about putting my finger in your mouth.'

    Botchett harrumphed. 'Give us a hand with that chair.'

    Between them, they managed to get the chair in position so Botchett could climb up and grab one of the big gelatto dishes.

    'Right,' he called, 'Got it. Now let's get out of here, bonny lad.'

    If I were lucky enough to win your giveaway, presuming the thought of Swazzle's finger raking around your gelatto dishes hasn't ruled me out completely, I'd have to ask for a copy of Laura Eno's new book, Prophecy Moon.

  34. --Sam: Whew! I thought *all* the gelatto had been taken. O.o

    *replaces the pistachio and strawberry bowls*

    I'm so sorry Pogmorton couldn't make it though, I'd give him two bowls of ice cream for him to be here!

    Thanks for the laugh Sam! :D

  35. Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Mari, happy birthday to you! <3 <3

    Instead of the munchy pony, I'll send you a double shot of hot espresso from our little Intergalatic coffee shop. ;-)

    Hope your day is great.

  36. Former-Witch FriendAugust 27, 2010 at 9:24 PM

    Well, it seems more and more unlikely for me to win anything, what with this vast assortment of interesting and bizarre characters walking around, but if I happen to have any luck (or if the hacker I hired manages to erase ALL comments on this post except MINE...) I would like a CD from The Jolly Boys. ;-)

    Now, about this ice cream, is there any without eggs in its recipe? (lacto-vegetarian here...)

  37. --Jodi: Hummm, this intergalactic coffee of yours is delicious! More please!

    Btw, how's the story going? *curious*

    --Former-Witch: Yup, except for the chocolate, pistachio and amarena, all other ice creams fruit flavored are egg-less. Dig in! ;D

    --Phyl: Thanks dear! :)

  38. --Debra: Ohhh, I missed your comment, so sorry! :(

    Loved the mystery writer joke dear, it gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for the well wishes, I had a good birthday thanks to you guys. :)

  39. Everyone: Winners are announced on this post.

    Thanks for playing and for making my birthday a fantastic day! :D

  40. Aw, I missed all the fun. I didn't know your birthday was in August. I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

  41. --Anne: That's ok my dear, although I did miss you. :)

    From the comments you can see how much fun my day was, heh. ;)


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