"I can't do this," Wilfred whined.
"What do you mean? After a five hour bus trip my ass is squared. You've got to jump."
"Jeff, I told you I'm afraid of heights."
"That's the point of all this you moron! You've got to stop being such a wuss."
"I'm not a wuss," Wilfred mumbled.
Putting a hand on Wilfred's shoulders Jeff said, "Look, everybody says that the best way stop being afraid of something is confronting your fears."
"Confronting your fears..." Wilfred repeated, as to reassure himself.
"Yeah, now jump."
Wilfred crouched to peek at the deep blue below. "This is too high. We should find some other place."
"No. It's high enough and the currents aren't dangerous here. You'll be fine."
"You know I don't swim well," he said looking up.
"I know, that's why I'll jump right after," Jeff said, pointing at his lifeguard badge.
"I have to do this."
Jeff grinned encouragingly.
With a pitiful smile Wilfred asked, "If I jump, will I be able to finally get a girl?"
Jeff refrained from snorting, "My guess is that you'll have better chances, since you'll have more confidence in yourself."
"Ah."
Wilfred got up, stepped back and said with a trembling voice, "I'm going."
Jeff crossed his arms and nodded.
Taking several deep breaths to gather all his courage, all his manhood in this single act, Wilfred frowned. Right after his shoulders slumped, "Let's just go home."
Jeff marched towards him, passed a tanned arm around his shoulders and strolled back while whispering fervently, "Come one Wil, you're a good looking guy, you can get all the girls you want if you change your attitude."
Wilfred looked up, "Good looking? Are you insane? Look at my belly."
"We can work that out later. Lots of... err, big guys get girls too, think of Charlie."
"Fat Charlie? He takes them by force."
"Right, bad example. My point is that you don't need my kind of abdomen to get laid," Jeff said, stopping at the edge.
Wilfred looked up to his older brother with the doggie eyes Jeff knew so well and opened his mouth to speak.
"Sorry bro, this is for your own good," Jeff said, and pushed him.
*
Well, this was my first challenge for #StoryCraft twitter chat, which this week is focused on dialogue.
I hope you enjoyed this little tale about bravery and tanned men, heh, and will join us next Sunday at 11pm GMT (5pm EST) to discuss the craft of writing. Psst, this is not public knowledge, but I've heard there'll be a special guest next week. ;)
Sometimes a push is what you need to get inertia working. Good work on the dialogue. And did you sneak in an Anansi Boys reference? ;-)
ReplyDeleteVery realistic characters - nice job! Love the photo too :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the dialogue. And I love the idea for this chat but Sundays are tough for me. The whole family comes to my house, and it's crazy around here. Maybe one of these days I'll make it. Hopefully, #StoryCraft will post the transcripts.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thanks a lot, Bro.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you had a story prompt or what storychat is, but I love this dialogue piece here. Good illustration of needing to make that jump, but afraid too. My fav line, "My point is that you don't need my kind of abdomen to get laid" This just struck as me as really funny. Cool title too.
ps Did you put up another post? I saw it on my google reader.I think you have an insect-eating carnivorous pet that is not a pony (haha!!!)
or
Perhaps you saw a vision and it came true. ;-)
Thanks so much for joining in Mari! I enjoyed your story and would love to post it to the #storycraft Blog but it seems Blogger is somehow preventing me from copying and pasting more than one line! Could you email the text to storycraft@narrativedisorder.com ?
ReplyDeleteAnd I have indeed confirmed that special guest, so I will be announcing it soon and ALL are most welcome to join us!!
Great job on the story! And love the photo too:)
ReplyDelete--Valerie: Ohhh, Anansi Boys? I'm honored that this dialogue reminded you of them! Neil Gaiman is my *very favorite* author, but sadly enough this time I wasn't inspired by him. Glad you liked my boys too. ;)
ReplyDelete--Jemi: Thanks dear!
--Darrelyn (ficwriter): Thanks! I'm sorry that you can't join in. #StoryCraft is really fun and we learn a lot, much like #LitChat, heh. :)
--Jodi: #StoryChat is a new twitter chat (a few weeks old) that happens every Sunday at 5pm EST. Each week we discuss a topic on the craft of writing, and a challenge is proposed. Excellent writing exercise! :)
ReplyDeleteCool that you liked the dialogue. Thanks!
About the next post, err, maybe it was the vision thing? heh (By the way, thanks again for the award! :) Wait, I didn't know you could read the post even after I took it off line. How odd... Anyway, I'm posting it after this Friday, when I shall make my debut on #FridayFlash. Pssst, it's a theme of your interest. ;P
--Danielle (Danisidhe): Wonderful that the special guest is confirmed! :D
I'm glad too that you liked the story and that you'll be posting it on #StoryCraft's blog. I'm sending the email right away.
And congrats for creating such an educating chat! These challenges make all the difference, considering that helpful critique will follow, of course, heh. ;)
--Olive: Thanks, and I love the pic too! It's kind of typical for cliff jumping, but a different shot in terms of perspective. The contrast of colors is fantastic!
I like the back-and-forth conflict you achieve with Jeff working to convince Wilfred to jump and him almost jumping and then backing out. Very effective.
ReplyDeleteI love the dialog and the great job with the characters! I loved how he was using “getting laid” for motivation- so realistic! ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd beautiful picture by the way! :)
--Aidan: Thanks! I couldn't visualize Wilfred jumping without giving up at least once, then I couldn't see him jumping at all! lol
ReplyDelete--Lua: Indeed girls are a most common motivation for guys accomplishing many things, heh.
This piece's goal was to tell a story using exclusively dialogue and the character's actions. If you liked the dialogue it seems I've accomplished something here? Thanks! :D
I could just see this happening, and waiting til the end to reveal that they're brothers worked well. Nice job, and welcome to Friday Flash!
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