tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post3297685319815721078..comments2023-10-25T13:27:04.621+02:00Comments on mari's randomities: Yet Another One - #FridayFlashMarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-43864516592385024422011-02-02T16:48:12.270+01:002011-02-02T16:48:12.270+01:00--Susan: Thanks! All rules are meant to be broken,...<b>--Susan:</b> Thanks! All rules are meant to be broken, right? ;)Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-7367455577342010212011-02-01T21:36:14.553+01:002011-02-01T21:36:14.553+01:00Welcome back, darling. Can't wait to hear more...Welcome back, darling. Can't wait to hear more about this class you're taking. (and I think the 1000-word rule is meant to be broken!)Susan Helene Gottfriedhttp://westofmars.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-30997452849488419912011-01-31T15:53:29.708+01:002011-01-31T15:53:29.708+01:00--Eric: Thanks!
--Cecilia: With all that tension ...<b>--Eric:</b> Thanks!<br /><br /><b>--Cecilia:</b> With all that tension we needed a gentler character, or it'd be a terrible reading! Although, she did have a moment with the mother, didn't she? ;)<br /><br />Glad you liked the story, and good luck with skipping the holidays!Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-21209384220069589472011-01-30T22:23:35.416+01:002011-01-30T22:23:35.416+01:00Welcome back! I've been on haitus, too, as yo...Welcome back! I've been on haitus, too, as you saw.<br /><br />I won't comment on the language since others have. My mom is Belgian, and although she writes well in both Dutch and English, translations are always rough. Your story has great tension, and I felt badly for the girlfriend. Giancarlo was smart to leave his young woman at home. I'm also glad you had the wise grandmother there for a sympathetic character.<br /><br />Maybe next year I'll ask my husband to leave me at home when he visits his family for the holidays... ;)<br /><br />CDCecilia Dominichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799727636246434837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-77117083818500084952011-01-30T20:00:35.834+01:002011-01-30T20:00:35.834+01:00I enjoyed this. Quite a look into this family.I enjoyed this. Quite a look into this family.Eric J. Krausehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05774468607814244185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-87554552361146336932011-01-29T19:20:30.660+01:002011-01-29T19:20:30.660+01:00--Laura: Onerous indeed. I'm thinking on never...<b>--Laura:</b> Onerous indeed. I'm thinking on never trying it again! <br /><br /><b>--Lou:</b> Thanks! :DMarihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-76318927386868642812011-01-29T16:05:15.060+01:002011-01-29T16:05:15.060+01:00I'm with Gracie, this is totally universal. It...I'm with Gracie, this is totally universal. It played out like a scene in a movie, full of humor and conflict and life and love.Lou Freshwaterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08849342766852653969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-50638434086817234642011-01-29T14:41:14.417+01:002011-01-29T14:41:14.417+01:00Personally, I can't imagine what an onerous ta...Personally, I can't imagine what an onerous task it would be to translate a story and get the colloquialisms right! Loved the conflict of the family meal and clashing of personalities.Laura Enohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09982794146667832204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-22338762759418755392011-01-29T14:12:12.027+01:002011-01-29T14:12:12.027+01:00--Adam and Cathy (ganymeder): Thank you for the we...<b>--Adam</b> and <b>Cathy (ganymeder):</b> Thank you for the welcoming! I'm glad that the awkwardnesses of the translation didn't prevent you from enjoying the story. :)Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-87256568738795319982011-01-29T03:34:46.408+01:002011-01-29T03:34:46.408+01:00Interesting piece of fiction. Though some parts tr...Interesting piece of fiction. Though some parts translated a little odd, I enjoyed the characters and the story. Welcome back!Cat Russellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14160039271069426174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-78471105167394828722011-01-29T00:45:07.783+01:002011-01-29T00:45:07.783+01:00Welcome back. I liked the "peek through the c...Welcome back. I liked the "peek through the curtains" at the Italian culture, the traditions and etiquette. <br />Adam B @revhappinessAdam Bhttp://afullnessinbrevity.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-80545322086603212552011-01-28T20:37:07.054+01:002011-01-28T20:37:07.054+01:00--Marisa: Thanks Mari-girl! Great seeing you here....<b>--Marisa:</b> Thanks Mari-girl! Great seeing you here. :)<br /><br />That's a good input, you know? When I started writing in English everything sounded formal because of my previous profession. Since I've been off for several months, I may have retreated to my early writing, uh. <br /><br />I think I'll have to practice with some trolls, heh. <br /><br /><b>--Icy:</b> He is a jerk, that he is. ;)<br /><br /><b>--Anneke:</b> Welcome to Randomities! It's great to contact people whose first language isn't English, like you and Estrella. We could help each other a lot, I think. Maybe we should create a club or something? :)<br /><br />That's an interesting approach you've got there. I found the process mostly frustrating, heh. It's good to see things from the bright side though. I might come back to this piece later with a fresh mind. Thanks for the insightful comment! <br /><br /><b>--Grace:</b> Thanks, dear! I'm sure you could, if you put your mind into it. ;P<br /><br /><b>--Alison</b> and <b>Laurita:</b> Thanks! It's good to know that behind the formal problems the story works. *relieved sigh* :)Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-66369377350120784262011-01-28T18:28:47.167+01:002011-01-28T18:28:47.167+01:00What a difficult bunch. You really captured the aw...What a difficult bunch. You really captured the awkwardness of such a family gathering. That came through the translation loud and clear. <br /><br />Welcome back. :)Lauritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03688820247531607677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-23364459861556698962011-01-28T17:53:22.882+01:002011-01-28T17:53:22.882+01:00I loved the characterization in this. I was taken ...I loved the characterization in this. I was taken with Giancarlo and would have followed his story further. And the grandmother was fabulous. I liked the sentiment in the section where Charelenne invited him up to the room and knew it was only a half hearted offer. There were plenty of teasers of tensions that lay underneath, other storylines that might be followed in a longer piece. Great piece.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-41086285914036111212011-01-28T17:40:25.674+01:002011-01-28T17:40:25.674+01:00Hey there and welcome back! This holiday dinner sc...Hey there and welcome back! This holiday dinner scene isn't just Italian, it's universal with only slight variations. I'm glad the two of them escaped!<br /><br />I applaud you for writing in two languages. I certainly couldn't do it. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-73673616046283957952011-01-28T16:43:34.752+01:002011-01-28T16:43:34.752+01:00I love the family scene. It's very Italian, yo...I love the family scene. It's very Italian, you captured this particular atmosphere very well. <br />Writing in another language is fun, the best way to improve your language skills. When I write in English and translate it into Dutch, my native language, the first version always looks weird. It feels as if I have to rewrite it, not just edit it. Interesting process, isn't it.Anneke Kleinhttp://www.rammenas.nlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-86652742155590365492011-01-28T12:46:54.659+01:002011-01-28T12:46:54.659+01:00Wow, that must have been an awkward meal. The brot...Wow, that must have been an awkward meal. The brother could have at least defended his girlfriend though!Icy Sedgwickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11501193571425442406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-41124215622400836722011-01-28T12:44:19.899+01:002011-01-28T12:44:19.899+01:00Welcome back, Mari-girl!
You know, I did like th...Welcome back, Mari-girl! <br /><br />You know, I did like this story. Yes, the translation does make it sound "formal" in places. But the story is a good one and just needs a bit of tweaking to polish it up.<br /> <br />I laughed because I have been at dinners similar to this one and do know the feeling of outrage when someone is spouting nasty ideas!Marisa Birnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17945909737147497606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-20981995387343125792011-01-28T12:02:38.555+01:002011-01-28T12:02:38.555+01:00--John: Thanks for the welcome and feedback, I rea...<b>--John:</b> Thanks for the welcome and feedback, I really appreciate it! You got it right about the rough translation. I have a really hard time translating fiction, even my own. Besides, the original piece in Italian is also roughly written (maybe even more), so I think it adds difficulty to the task.<br /><br /><b>--Estrella:</b> Thank you, darling! However, even not liking that much the translation, I felt better about it than the original. Hmmm. <br /><br />My writing is rusty, akkk! At least the troll stories are bubbling again in the back of my head. Maybe they'll jump out one of these days? :)Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-76282217900847144982011-01-28T11:44:31.956+01:002011-01-28T11:44:31.956+01:00I know what you mean about translating and not bei...I know what you mean about translating and not being able to shorten it. I have trouble with that as well sometimes, though I write in English, I sometimes want to translate my flashes to Hungarian and by the time I'm finished I don't like the translated version...<br /><br />I really liked the story itself, so other than it sounding stylistically great in Italian and not that well in English, it's a great piece of fiction!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847825514463125840.post-89872594507161818342011-01-28T06:19:07.826+01:002011-01-28T06:19:07.826+01:00Welcome back to the community, even if it's a ...Welcome back to the community, even if it's a brief visit.<br /><br />1,300 words is hardly the worst violation of the policy I've seen this month. Heck, someone will probably go further than that this week. I appreciate you giving us the heads up in advance, Mari.<br /><br />A lot of this reads like rough translation. A few things you can catch and correct (or put in italics if they are turns of Italian phrase)<br /><br />Para4: "her back asked him"<br /><br />Para5: "lowering the head and the voice"<br /><br />Other things, like the overly proper "Unconvinced of her own offer, she didn’t feel offended by his gentle rejection" in the final paragraph read as robotic, though technically correct. I just assume this works stylistically in the Italian. There's the feeling that a heartwarming political meal story lies under this. I enjoyed parsing through what might be colloquialisms and trying to read international ideas into it.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.com